Now I normally am a pretty strong person. The past two nights in Congo I have found myself blubbering late into the night. It could be attributed to the fact that I am sick and it scares me having just had a midline taken out two days before we left. It could be lack of sleep or lack of “real” food. It could be worries about how we are going to finance this whole mess. It could be that I watched my baby come back from the brink and face having to leave her. It could be our visas run out in 2 weeks but if we pay $1000 to have them renewed we may end up being evacuated because of political unrest. What are we to do? There is really nothing we can. We are stuck in a country where things move slowly and everyone else’s problems are bigger than ours (truly). I feel selfish. I feel ashamed to be here crying poor me when so many others would kill to be where I am today. Yet even telling myself these things can’t seem to derail this pity train.
My father is in surgery as I type this and connections are so bad I can’t call to see how he is doing.
We truly can’t afford this. Tony lost his main means of extra income several months ago to “out sourcing” and has been working like crazy to make up for it. I missed him before we left and all this extra money we keep shilling out means we all get to miss him even more when we get home. We have talked before about selling our house (that we bought a year before tony lost his job) and that feels like what we are potentially looking at.
It all too much right now.
I would do it all again.
I wish more people would do this. Leave your comfort zone. Hand your life over to something bigger than yourself. Step into another’s shoes. Even if those shoes make you cry.